with glowing hearts, indeed

CTV is doing this thing where you can record your own play-by-plays for various events and submit them as part of a contest. They present it in a rather antagonistic way, though, because every time they talk about it they say “So you think you can do a better job than us?” I can’t help but wonder how much of this attitude has to do with the generally negative reviews the CTV coverage has been getting thus far.

Continue reading

I am Canadian!

Canada has now won three medals and yet I have yet to see anyone actually win one live. When Jenn Heil won the silver in women’s moguls yesterday, I think I was watching speed skating. When Kristina Groves won the bronze in women’s 3000m long track speed skating this afternoon, I was watching the qualifiers for men’s freestyle moguls. When Alexandre Bilodeau won the gold (THE GOLD!!!) in men’s freestyle moguls, I was watching the pairs short program in figure skating. Colour me incredibly frustrated, especially with Bilodeau’s win since it’s the first time a Canadian has won Olympic gold on Canadian soil. Continue reading

baking FAIL

I like to bake but being a single person who doesn’t really crave cookies all that often, I find little point in baking for myself. So I thought, Venereal Day is nearly upon us, why not work my way into the hearts of my coworkers by putting them into a diabetic coma? I even thought it would be pertinent to use a Hershey’s Kisses chocolate chip cookie recipe for thematic resonance. There’s no way I could go wrong!

baking fail

Or not. Pro-tip: sometimes random substitutions are not a good idea. For instance, Skor bits for chocolate chips? Maybe not. I think what really did me in was substituting the almond Kisses (I do not like nuts in my baked goods) for caramel Kisses and cherry cordial Kisses. My stellar science skills failed to remind me that caramel melts.

The upside is that I now have eighteen unwrapped caramel Kisses that were meant for the rest of the cookie batter. Clearly the only option is to eat them all.

pictures of matchstick men

This has been getting lots of linkage today, but I thought I’d share anyway in case you missed it:

How the Bechdel Test could save the Oscars

[The stories of white men] are being told, our concerns are being addressed, our grievances are being aired; all is well in White Boy Town. But that is not so. First off, any group that only hears it own stories is not getting the full story. Surrounded by only look-and-think-alikes, it becomes impossible not to become parochial and stagnant. After all, one of the main social benefits of fiction is the encouragement of empathy, and these narrow narratives deny us its full expression.

But as much social harm as excluding half the population from being fully realized fictional characters does, I’d say it does even greater damage to movies as an art form. Think about it. Any screenwriter/director/producer that can’t think of anything more for a woman to do than be a girlfriend, wife, mother, or kidnapped daughter is probably going to lack imagination in other areas as well. A filmmaker who only sees minorities as Issues or wacky sidekicks is, more likely than not, a hack.

Ultimately: yes. That’s really all I have to add.

I recently started tagging my movie reviews according to whether or not they pass the Bechdel test and, depressingly and predictably, so far I’ve only gotten to use bechdel test: fail. Eventually I’ll work my way backwards and tag everything else, but I don’t doubt for a second that the FAIL tag is the one that will get the most usage. I should probably also start using a Deggan’s Rule tag as well, but likely the results would be just as bleak.

your looks intoxicate me even though your folks hate me

As we get frightfully close to Valentine’s Day, I would like to share with you some amazingly romantic and thought provoking lyrics from one of my current favourite songs, “Elenore” by The Turtles.

Elenore, gee I think you’re swell
And you really do me well
You’re my pride and joy, et cetera

Yes, the “et cetera” is actually included in the song as a lyric. I love you so much I will leave you to your own devices to come up with appropriate terms of endearment for yourself because I can’t be bothered! Apparently the lyric was included as a joke, but it’s still amazing anyway.

crepe, shantung, batiste, paper taffeta

I am full of rage this evening, so to compensate I am going to bring you Links of Interest:

See, I feel more relaxed having taken a second look at all those links. Exhale.

impressive, most impressive

Darth Vader deck shoes. I really, really love nerd craft.

As a side note, The Empire Strikes Back was the first Star Wars movie I ever saw, so the revelation that Vader was Luke’s father didn’t really impact me the way it should have. So, he’s Luke’s dad, so what? This is why you watch trilogies in order, kids.

wear your love like heaven

Not being someone who has cable, I usually only encounter movie advertising in two places: at the movie theatre and on the subway. Every day for the last week or so I have got on the subway only to encounter the most obnoxious movie ads I’ve seen in a long time. They’re for the evocatively titled Valentine’s Day that comes out next week and they make me want to lovingly caress the third rail every time I see them.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t find the subway version of the ads that are displayed on either side of the subway doors, so I’ve had to approximate them here. (My ire is so great that it compels me to open Photoshop. I recognize I have a problem.)

While I haven’t managed to recreate the obviously finely crafted taglines for each ad, I think I’ve captured the unique and not remotely stereotypical attitude behind the sentiments. Except for “WHAT A DAY”, which is what that poster actually does say in real life.

Allow me to use an unordered list to express my hatred, since no one can refute an unordered list: Continue reading