Rating: 1 Star

The Book of Eli

The unintentional comedy hit of the new year!

01.18.2010

The Twilight Saga: New Moon

The only vampire pun I can think of is “This sucks” which is both succinct and true. Win-win!

11.22.2009

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Another spectacular failure involving Hugh Jackman. He needs to get his act together or else take off his shirt more. I’m not fussy

05.05.2009

Knowing

If I’m going to see a movie this religious, it’s a good thing I did it a few days before Easter

04.10.2009

Taken

I probably won’t hate this so much when I find it on DVD for $3 and laugh my ass of watching it again

02.13.2009

The Unborn

The things I do for Gary Oldman, I tell you

01.15.2009

Australia

Spectacular failure in epic proportions

11.23.2008

Max Payne

Max Payne-ful. Yeah, that’s right, I said it

10.27.2008

Nights In Rodanthe

Note to self: do not go see a movie just because James Franco appears for approximately ten seconds

09.26.2008

Righteous Kill

The only righteous kill here would have been if someone had mercifully killed me while watching this

09.21.2008

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2

I don’t think I’ve ever said “fuck” out loud this many times during a PG-rated movie

08.13.2008

Awake

I do not get the appeal of Jessica Alba

12.01.2007

Beowulf

I swore I wouldn’t see this

11.17.2007

Lions for Lambs

Unintentionally and exceptionally hilarious

11.10.2007

Sunshine

Lord of the Flies in space

09.26.2007

Mr Bean’s Holiday

Bad

08.26.2007

The Last Legion

This movie makes a good argument for the Romans having invented cheese

08.19.2007

The Host

So not into this

04.20.2007

Factory Girl

For a movie about style over substance and flash over realism, this movie was noticeably lacking in the style and flash department.

02.18.2007

Hannibal Rising

Yet another reason models shouldn’t act. Gaspard Ulliel, I’m looking at you

02.09.2007

The Black Dahlia

Fail, Brian De Palma,

09.17.2006

Material Girls

08.17.2006

Miami Vice

Not all cult TV shows need to be made into movies, you know

08.05.2006

John Tucker Must Die

Hollywood must absolutely loathe teenage girls

08.03.2006

X-Men: The Last Stand

Pretty dumb, but in a fun way

06.01.2006

American Dreamz

Dreadful, with a

04.22.2006

Beowful and Grendel

OMG

03.18.2006