1. I’m not even kidding. I have not actively loathed a movie this much in a long time.
  2. My cousin correctly pointed out that this is (Paul Haggis’) Crash for the internet age, and it’s just as terrible and unsophisticated. This is a hyperlink story centring around the internet (meta!) and the (dis)connections we make with one another through the Internet. I capitalize Internet beacuse I feel like that sums up the circa 1996 quality of the themes and messages of the film. Despite the filmmakers’ protestations to the contrary during the Q&A, this film definitely sends the message that if you use the internet, you’re going to meet a horrible end one way or another. Cautionary tales for kids!

    I don’t mean to belittle the actual subject matter; identity theft, cyber-bullying, etc. are all important topics and are realities we face as people in the Modern Age™. But the absolute dumbing down and ridiculousness of the content really does a disservice to these topics. I really, really wanted the film to end on this note:

  3. Ned Nickerson from Nancy Drew plays some weird teenage internet porn kid, so that was upsetting.
  4. I think my biggest problem with this movie is that the internet is simply a medium and all of the problems in this film are things that are problematic parts of being a human being functioning on this planet. There may be instances where the internet exacerbates or makes easier some of the things depicted, but, for instance, the problem with cyber-bullying is not the cyber but the bullying. The little fuckers who made the fake Facebook account with which to harass their classmate obviously have a whole heap of other issues going on.
  5. At the movie’s climax, it breaks out into this weird, slow-motion, Matrix-esque moment across all the storylines, where characters flail and fall through the air slowly in counterpoint to the extreme violence they’re all inflicting on each other in those moments. Like… if I can’t figure out this is the climax of your film without you having to do this, you have other problems.
  6. This movie was appallingly stupid, but not even the film could match the appalling stupidity of the person who asked the question “Why did you call the film Disconnect?” The director was so aghast by the question that he didn’t even answer it, so the moderator awkwardly moved on to the next question.
  7. I’ve spent the better part of a decade online regularly (sorry, late adopter here!), and the terrible, evil, no-good-can-come-of-this internet is just not one that I am familiar with. Believe me, I too see the deep irony of a general misanthrope saying the internet is not all bad but… it’s not all bad. There are people I’ve been friends with online longer than many of my friends in real life. I’ve met some of them, I haven’t met others, but I’m 100% certain that I’ve had lots of good experiences due to knowing these people. It’s sort of sad that there wasn’t at least one positive story line in there somewhere to counteract all the hilarious doom and gloom.

    This is also where someone I thought I knew well online comes over and hacks me to death in my sleep because I accidentally gave them my mailing address for Christmas card purposes one year. Oops.

  8. This movie got a standing ovation. This is kind of why I hate the audience choice award, because audiences consistently prove to me that they’ve never been to the movies before.

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Categories: 1 Star