X-Men: First Class

I’m pretty sure that Michael Fassbender’s mutant power is his ability to impregnate entire populations without even trying.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

In a Venn diagram where the intersection is “Scott Pilgrim is awesome”, this film and I are separate, non-overlapping circles.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Another spectacular failure involving Hugh Jackman. He needs to get his act together or else take off his shirt more. I’m not fussy.

Max Payne

Max Payne-ful. Yeah, that’s right, I said it.

Iron Man

Not getting the hype on this one.