- This is one of those times where I see a movie I have otherwise had no intention of seeing simply for the experience of seeing a movie. Audrey and I decided a couple of weeks ago that we’d go to the drive-in this weekend and the line up was Toy Story 3 / Prince of Persia (we saw Toy Story the night before), Karate Kid / The Bounty Hunter (hell no), and The A-Team / Date Night. Screen #3 won out.
Words cannot express how bad this movie is. No, the problem is not that it is bad, the problem is that it’s boring. Oh my god is it boring, and the large volume of explosions cannot change that. Give me some semblance of an interesting plot to follow, I beg you. Following around printing plates for making counterfeit money does not fall into the “interesting” category; you have to wonder if they were choosing an economic peril in order to elicit a “Woe, the economy sucks in real life thus I can relate to the awfulness of potentially flooding the American market with billions of dollars of fake money!” reaction out of the audience. Boring, Sidney, boring. If I wanted to watch a movie about counterfeit, I would have watched The Counterfeiters.
- Face was absolutely tiresome. Am I supposed to find him likeable because under his tough guy exterior and smart-ass remarks, he just wants to get married and have babies and mean Jessica Alba won’t help him with this? Yawn, fuckwit.
- Sound effect that is not unique to this movie but seemed more exaggerated this time round so I’ll complain about it here: the sound when camera flashes go off. For the love of god, why do they always sound like flashes from the 19th century? I know that modern digital cameras include these sounds because we’ve become so expectant of hearing them when using a camera, but I don’t think a photo booth needs the most ancient of ancient flash noises to get this point across. I kept expecting a puff of smoke to fill the photo booth, choking Sosa and Face to death. Wishful thinking on my part.
- Lynch got about a hundred times more quippy and cartoon villain-esque in the second half. “It looks just like call of duty!” Seriously? Douche.
- Surprise John Hamm was a welcome surprise, though.
- I like Liam Neeson with grey hair.
- I loved how B.A. spent his time off finding inner peace and taking a vow of non-violence, only for his character’s redeeming moment to be rejecting that vow and killing a bunch of guys at the end. B.A., these men are not your friends if they cannot accept the positive changes you’re making in your life.
- I think the scene that sums the utter stupidity of this movie up best is when they try to fly a tank through the air, suspended by several large parachutes. I’m not lying, this actually happens. WTF. In any other movie, I probably would have loved this but it was not my understanding that this was somehow satirical.
Categories: 1 Star
It’s Jessica Biel, not Jessica Alba. You got your boring-ass lame Jessicas mixed up.
Yeah, this shit was dumb, and I do think the sudden shift of Patrick Wilson’s character was kinda ridiculous. Alright, so Wilson went from bureaucratic dick to William Zabka offscreen? Whatever.
Praise for Sharlto Copley, though, who did seem to be having a genuine good time.
Damn, I totally did get my Jessicas mixed up, not that it really matters in the long run.
6. I like Liam Neeson with grey hair.
That’s the only incentive to get me to see the movie but overall I know I would not enjoy seeing it.