- Something I really, truly hate is when they use one take in a trailer and use a different one in the movie. Or when lines from the trailer are not in the movie at all. This movie is guilty of both of these things, thus I was irritated. It’s like the “Ah, peas” line from Mr. and Mrs. Smith all over again.
- They had one of those hilarious disclaimers at the end of the film that said all characters and situations portrayed in this film are entirely fictitious. o_O
- I am simultaneously impressed and unimpressed by the casting for this movie. On the one hand, I find Eric Bana believable as Henry VIII, way more believable than Jonathan Rhys Meyers. Bana’s got the physical presence to pull it off and I have no trouble believing that this guy is a powerful man. Of course, the script is fucking lame so he basically walks around in smouldering anger as King Cranky McCrankerson for half the movie. How can you waste the Bana like this, how? Anyway, on the other hand, we’ve got Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson and neither of them are terribly believable as either Boleyn girl. I mostly just don’t like Scarlett Johansson, to be honest, and I don’t think Natalie Portman is nearly fierce enough to be Anne Boleyn.
- I accept that when bringing history to the screen there will a) be some artistic license taken and b) that the timeline will be condensed in order to fit many years into a two-hour time frame. What I do not accept is a script that is so terrible it barely touches on, well, anything in the story they’re trying to bring to the screen. I think Wolsey, who isn’t even mentioned by name, has a single line in the movie, Henry goes from indifference to smitten in sixty seconds when Anne returns from France, despite claiming that he’s always loved her, and if you went by this movie alone, you’d think it was really, really, really easy to divorce yourself from the Catholic Church and declare yourself the head of your own religion. I mean, come on now. The pacing is just freaking awful, it’s like any of the recent Harry Potter movies. Is the book this bad? Why do I feel like this is Atonement all over again, where everything is completely stupid and ridiculous and the movie does not help me one bit to actually care about any of the characters or their obvious traumas?
- Speaking of Atonement, the girl who gets raped in that movie shows up here as George Boleyn’s scheming and spying wife who decides, because she’s a fucking moron, that Anne and George are clearly getting it on. Learn from Briony’s mistake: what you think you see is not always what is actually going on! Oh well. The look on George’s face when he was told he’d be marrying her was priceless.
- Speaking of George: aw, Jim Sturgess. Love him. Not sure if puffy sleeves really suit him, but I do enjoy his mop of hair and infectious grin.
- As I was saying to
in the comments of my other entry, this movie screens like Candace Bushnell for the Tudor Age: it’s a couple of desperate girls in trendy clothes having lots of sex that is not nearly as good as it should be. Of course, which trailer did we see prior to this movie? The one for Sex and the City. This is good marketing. - No, seriously, the sex? BORING. You cannot waste Eric Bana’s physique on soft-focused shots of abstract limbs, you just cannot. Considering half this movie is about Henry’s inability to provide a male heir, no one seems to be getting laid all that often nor do they seem to be enjoying themselves. Uh, and the “Henry rapes Anne from behind” scene? Totally didn’t love that, although I’m still trying to figure out how he even managed it given the amount of clothing they were both clearly wearing.
- Those were some pretty bloodless birthing scenes.
- Catherine was pretty fierce, as she should be. I loved when she was like “Dude, be a man” to Henry.
- The closing scene with the “Where Are They Now” subtitles nearly killed me, especially when they were trying to be all sly with the “Henry did father a strong heir to the throne… dun dun dun… ELIZABETH!” Oh god, I almost started laughing.
The Other Boleyn Girl
Historical fiction that’s short on the history, long on the fiction.
IMDB Plot Synopsis Two sisters contend for the affection of King Henry VIII.