Kills Me Dead » Movies

1. The main reason I didn’t hate this movie was because both Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock are relatively likable and I thought they had an appropriate level of chemistry for a movie like this.
2. Truthfully, I spent about 80% of the film trying to figure out how one would piece together the fabulous quilt known as The Babymaker.
3. Bad, bad, bad CGI shows up intermittently in this movie, notably in any and all scenes where mountains are added digitally as well as the fantastic scene in which an eagle of some kind picks off the little white dog, Kevin. Sorry, an eagle flying away with a tiny yappy dog will never not be funny.
4. I think my favourite line was “You didn’t tell me your family are the Kennedys of Alaska.” Yay, Kennedys!
5. Blargh, Malin Akerman. I don’t understand how some people can have so little personality on screen.
6. If Alaska actually resembles a Massachusetts fishing town with CGI mountains, I would totally move there. I could live in a world with cable knit sweaters and general stores.
7. The schtick with Ramone, possibly the only Hispanic guy in Alaska, showing up every ten minutes in a variety of ridiculous roles was obnoxious as fuck. That he was played by poor Oscar from The Office made it doubly upsetting.
8. Did I mention I would totally do Ryan Reynolds? Because I would totally do Ryan Reynolds.
9. The interrogation by the immigration officials played during the credits was pretty amusing.
10. I think this movie might be the nail in the coffin between me and romantic comedies. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t watch movies where dysfunctional relationships are passed off as loving or adorable. I just can’t. I’m not talking about the lack of realism since at their core rom-coms apparently need an excessive amount of unreality to work and 96% of them would die if they didn’t have unrealistic “meet cute” moments. It’s not the contrivance I have a problem with. It’s the dysfunction and astonishing amount of relationship FAIL that generates “Aw!” responses from the audience that is doing me in.
    
    Strip this movie to its basic elements, and you’re left with The Devil Wears Prada. We’re meant to infer that Andrew’s loved ones ask him every day whether or not he has quit his job yet because his boss is making his life a living hell. A living hell for three straight years. THREE YEARS. That’s over ONE THOUSAND DAYS. Of hell. HELL. Suddenly, his boss breaks down her emotional barriers, explains the significance of her tattoo, and everything is okay? THIS IS NOT OKAY. Do you see Anne Hathaway and Meryl Streep getting together at the end of The Devil Wears Prada? No, you do not, and do you know why? BECAUSE MIRANDA TORTURED ANDY FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR. That alone should make it not okay to date this person, but when they blackmail you into pretending you’re going to marry them and then have you LIE to your entire FAMILY about it, how is that forgivable? How little self-respect do you have to have to DATE! someone who has done something like that to you?
    
    I reiterate: THIS IS NOT OKAY. I find this upsetting because I feel like audiences are not critical about how they interpret relationships like this (see also: Slumdog Millionaire, Twilight) and I feel like that’s reflective of their own lack of analysis or evaluation in their own lives. People wonder why their relationships are so bad and yet it’s quite clear that people are willing to accept this kind of bullshit as being not just normal but something to admire and adore in a relationship, something worthy of envy. Pro tip: YOU DON’T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH SHIT LIKE THIS. Ugh, it offends me. I have issues, clearly, but my god.
11. At the end of it all, the only thing that moderately justifies seeing this is that it was directed by a woman so at least that means a woman-helmed movie was #1 at the box office at least once this year (I haven’t been paying that close attention, so perhaps it’s already happened this year). That said, I’m not thrilled that it’s for a rom-com, so do yourselves a favour in a few weeks and go out of your way to see The Hurt Locker on opening weekend so that Kathryn Bigelow can be #1 too. I won’t hold my breath, though, since I think it’s only going to be in limited release.
12. That extra half-star is for the scene with the biodegradable golf balls.

Tags: dysfunctional relationships, female director, romantic comedy, ryan reynolds, sandra bullock

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